lose yourself

2009-11-21T01:06:00.000-08:00

Hello, I miss you quite terribly.

Since I've been gone for so long, I figured I'd go forever.
Find me if you can.

2009-09-14T05:58:00.000-07:00

You think you're loving, but you don't love me.

Why is this happening to me ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why is this happening to me ?

I swore this wouldn't happen again, but apprarently, it did. I told myself not to let this happen, but it happened again. I try to get angry, I try to think, I try to stop. Well, now, look who's a failure. Keep on thinking while you still can; before O Levels and that dickhead gets rid of your brain.

Just cry for a whilte more.
Maybe things will get better.

I swear it won't.

2009-09-01T03:11:00.000-07:00

Her tears like diamonds on the floor.

I guess I don't have to worry about what you say about me anymore, because I really don't care. I am who I am; and that's what I love, regardless of what you say. He isn't complaining, so why should you ?

The first day of September. I know because the church bells rang at twelve in the afternoon, just like they always do at twelve in the afternoon on the first day of every month.

Watch my hands freeze.

2009-08-18T08:43:00.001-07:00

No you can't read my poker face.

I seriously am gonna go on hiatus. I've been on hiatus for so long anyway, what difference does it make ! Haha.

Prelims in eight daysssssssssssss.
I am sleepy.

2009-08-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

Beauty queen of only eighteen.

Evidently, I have not posted since 18th July 2009; and with good reason, I might add. Obviously, I have been studying ! So instead of whining about how dead my blog is, maybe awe at the fact that I might possibly be working hard towards O Levels.

Nevertheless, under Weiqing's demand, she insists that I revive this blog of mine that nobody understands anywayyyyyy. Therefore, I am.

But really, life is getting mundane; all I ever do is go to school, study, get home, golf, study somemore, sleep. It's worse than a cycle, if you didn't know. It's more of a constant cycle which is physically and mentally tiring. But I am still healthy and strong.

Hahahhahahaa, sleepy girl equals boring blog post.

2009-07-18T09:35:00.001-07:00

California, rest in peace.

Confirmation, 18th July 2009.
Xoxo.

2009-07-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

Darling, you look wonderful tonight.

If you asked me to, I'd stop breathing for one more second.
If you asked me to, I'd hold my breath underwater for you.
If you asked me to, I'd let go and pray we're safe.
If you asked me to, I'd crash and hope you're there for me to hold.
If you asked me to, I would.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
There is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

Storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free.
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love.

And so a piece of perfection fell from the sky.

2009-06-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

Oh it gives you hell.

The last weekday before school reopens, ohmygawd. How the youth of today suffer under the heavy loads that strain their fragile backs and immature minds. Homework is killing me, as in I think it would kill me if I actually did it, heh. The mountain load of dead trees fluttering around my house as the wind blows it around, making my house a huge pile of mess. Due to the lack of fluids in my brain, here is my life in point form.

- Woke up at eightthirty instead of the intended eight.
- Showered, changed, tied my hair, ate breakfast.
- Ripped dance vids off YouTube.
- Pranced over to school.
- Painted.
- Yellow splat on my leg.
- Attempt to pick up D. Dyzunktional Smith's choreo.
- All hail Wade Robson's It Was All In Your Mind.
- Paint, dance, paint, dance.
- Hoedown throwdown.
- Walked out with Cassie.

- Got home, showered, ate.
- Nigel popped overrrrrrrr and stole my fried rice.
- And my orange juice.
- And attempted to talk to my nainai.
- Caught the bus and train to Newton.
- Caught the bus from there to Great World City.
- Met the others at the cinema.
- Nigel was whining about not being to watch Hannah Montana.
- Waiting an hour for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
- Hung out on kiddy rides.
- Here comes Phoebe.
- Marc and Phoebe and Shermin.
- Shermin runs away.
- Transformers was dabombbbbbbbb.
- Sat with buddy !
- Zara with buddy after movie to get something for his brother.
- Dinner after movie.
- Hung around for a while.
- Shermin left with her parents.
- Joey left in a cab.
- Marc and Phoebe left with Phoebe's parents.
- Tian, Nigel, Princeton and I headed home via public transport.
- Poor kids like us sit public transport.
- Sat the bus to Newton MRT.
- Nigel and Princeton took the bus back from there.
- Sat the train with Tian.
- Ang Mo Kio ness.
- I made it home alive and well.

Lemon juice and popiah is filling.
For twenty minutes.

2009-06-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

When you look at me, tell me what do you see.

I am sitting in a freezing aircon, under my nice Spongebob blanket talking to Nigel Tan Jian Hao. He just called me lame. What the hell. I don't know whether Shermin or Phoebe is still awake. Nigel's complaining that Phoebe doesn't reply SMS-es. I am thoroughly. Nigel says, "Shermin is like...don't know what to say." Nigel's still whining about Phoebe not replying his SMS-es. Whine whine whine whine whine whine whine. It is now 0058hours. Nigel insists that it is already one. That liarrrrrrrrrrrr. Now it is 0059hours ! "I hate rounding it off !" I like penguins and I am hungry. But I will not eat a penguin. I just found out that Nigel is more random than I am. Tall, silly boy. He wishes to be as rich as Babu. Really really wishes. Nigel is still whining.

I don't want to do stupid summary anymore.
I am so gonna drink orange juice.

2009-06-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

It was all in your mind.

It's a crushing little secret,
I refuse to hear.
I don't want to know.
You hate me,
You hate me,
You hate me.
I swear
you hate me.

Still in denial,
Once. Twice.
Stop.
One more time,
You laugh, you smile, you joke, you kid.
You mock, you ridicule, you taunt.
Once. Twice.
Stop.

I don't know.
I don't care.
I don't want to care.
I don't want to pretend to care.

Seventy two miles away,
One year ago.
I'd feel guilty.

So why now.
Why,
You.

2009-06-25T01:20:00.000-07:00

I'm so three thousand and eight.

I don't know how this is going to help you, or make you actually know how I'm hating my own guts now, but maybe it'll help me feel better. Do I feel as bad as I did with the other, I definitely don't. But I still have a conscience, and you're one person I never want to let down. I hope you know that. Sorry.

Tournament season is officially over, and I'm really happy that the whole bunch of us are going out tomorrowwwwwwwwwwwww. Amazingly, haha, with the airshot champion and buddy! and Marc Alexander Chua Kai Xuan and Phoebe and Shermin and Joshua and Princeton and Nick and whoever else is coming. I don't know, big group big group big group which would equate to camwhore camwhore camwhore camwhore camwhore. I so need a picture with buddy, and the rest of them really, since I'm gonna be off tourney season for a while, whooboy.

If you're lost without me,
Wondering where I might be,
I'll be waiting just around,
The corner of your eye.

Some part of me loves you more than ever.

2009-06-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.

I feel like changing my blog layout, I really do. But sloth and the lack of creative juices forces me to say no to the strange urges that I have. But I really really really want to. But I'm lazy. I'd flip a coin to help me make the decision, but I'm to lazy to get a coin, and I'm too lazy to decide what heads and tails would represent. I'm absolutely amazing, aren't I.

It's amazing how fifteen years old boys can amuse me so horrendously much. Nigel Tan Jian Hao and Marc Alexander Chua Kai Xuan, ohmygoodness. Too tall for their age, and the only thing that is fifteen on them is their maturity. I am thoroughly amused, really I am. Hello there, buddy !

Weiqing called me a bitch, I am sad.
I shall call her a bitch back.
"Bitch !"

2009-06-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

Somedays, I couldn't get up.

A. D. O. R. A. B. L. E.
I'm adopting you, haha.

2009-06-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

When you see my face.

Due to activities that would be deemed mundane to the rest of the non-golfing world, here is my life in point form:

11th June 2009:
- Happy Birthday Lowies.
- (Omg, I'm suffering from short term memory loss. I don't recall what I did.)
- Ohhhhhh, NSRCC Junior Open First Round.
- Think Shermin, Phoebe & I singing National Day songs while playing.
- To find happiness *clapclapclap* for everyone.
- Hung, ate, cab, home.

12th June 2009:
- NSRCC Junior Open Second Round.
- Played like a cow.
- Hung around for prize presentation.
- Congrats to Kok & Phoebe & Joey & Edgar & Nick & Joshua.
- Hung, then headed to Cini.
- Caught Drag Me To Hell.
- Bloody good movie, like to the max.
- Just the ugliest, most shocking thing I've seen in a very long time.
- I quote Phoebe, "We should have watched Hannah Montana !"
- Delifrancing for dinner at Takashimaya.
- Champion ice-cream scooper.

13th June 2009:
- Woke up late ! For once, hurrah.
- Headed to the range in the afternoon.
- Did short game like mad.
- Showered, dinner, chingchong.
- Happy Birthday NaiNai !

14th June 2009:
- Happy Birthday Yureshhhhhhhh.
- I didn't go to the range !
- Church, then lunch, the Far East shopping, then I really don't remember.

15th June 2009:
- Headed to school for props in the morning.
- Tricked Weiqing into thinking that Mok was at my house.
- Passionfruit Milk Tea haven.
- Ranged & short gamed.
- Hung, home, sleep.
- Chin chow with coke makes me happy.

16th June 2009:
- HSBC Youth Golf Challenge Round One.
- Disgustingly decent game, fifth placing.
- Hung, ate, cabbed, sleep.
- Attempted to watch TiVo.

17th June 2009:
- HSBC Youth Golf Challenge Round Two.
- Best game of my life, thus far.
- Hello fourth placing on count back and a new addition to the trophy collection.
- Hung, ate, prize presentation, cabbed.
- Attempted to sleep until the stupid mobile device on my stomach vibrated with much gusto.
- Went down to Plaza Singapura to catch a movie with Shermin, Phoebe, Nad, Joshua, Marc and Nigel.
- Caught Ghost of Girlfriends Past.
- Matthew McConaughey is sexyyyyyyyyy.
- Attempted to eat.
- Marc Alexander Chua Kai Xuan wanted to go home cause he's whiny that way.
- Grabbed Starbucks.
- MRT-ed home with Shermin & Nigel.
- I am now sitting in front of this computer and blogging about my day.
- Really I am.

And now I'm hungry.
Starbucks is keeping me awake.
Everyone scrunched up their faces after drinking my Ice Chai Tea Latte with Soy Milk.
I am insulted.
I got lost at Dhoby Ghaut MRT.
Nigel too.
I am not the only direction stupid one.
Thai people asked me for direction.
What a mistake.
Now laugh everyone, as we enjoy the funny penguins dance as they waddle from Nigeria to Singapore, wearing party hats on their pointy, black heads.

Really.

2009-06-16T00:48:00.000-07:00

Baby, all I need is time.

Sometimes, I love you.
Sometimes, I don't.
Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother.
Sometimes, I see you and I smile.
Sometimes, I want to cry.
Sometimes, I feel happy when I'm with you.
Sometimes, I think I'm scared of you.
Sometimes, I don't know how to react.
Sometimes, I think you hate me.
Sometimes, I think you don't.
Sometimes, I think you love me.
Sometimes, I think you don't.
Sometimes, I wonder what's going to happen.
Sometimes, I question why this started.
Sometimes, I feel like there's another.

(All I really want is to hold you tight.)

2009-06-15T03:16:00.000-07:00

Never see another teardrop fall.

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

(Sometimes, I'm scared of you.)

2009-06-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

And I thought that I was gonna go crazy.

You're absolutely beautiful but I highly doubt anything would happen. They wouldn't allow it anyway. Even if both of us were agreeable, they wouldn't allow it anyway. Exactly why, they never gave me a reason, and I doubt they would ever give me a reason should it happen again. Nonetheless, I still love you, beautiful.

29th May 2009, with Paul, Bill & Uncle David, came back with a horrific ninetyfour off whites at Orchid, slap me hard on the head when you do see me, won't you ?
30th May 2009, with Daddy and other people that I never figure out, came back with eightyseven off whites at Marina Bay, hello disgustingly decent.
31st May 2009, Monthly Medals with Terence, Thomas and Babu. Ninety off reds at Orchid, I. Am. An. Idiot.
1st June 2009, Triangular, Orchid V Seletar V Warren. Eightyfive off reds at Orchid, kinda stupid and Orchid lost on homeground, haha. I feel like an idiot. And ohmygawd, for the first time in my life, I walked on Orchid Country Club. Congratulate meeeeeeeee. Shermin the idiot.
2nd May 2009, school depresses me when I should have been at SLGA National Rankings.
3rd May 2009, school further depresses me, again, when I should have been at SLGA National Rankings.
4th May 2009, SLGA National Rankingggggsssssssss, why, school, why torment me !?
5th May 2009, training training training.
6th May 2009, short game with Paul. Throw me into a bunker for two hours and watch my hands bleed ! The Pretentious Young Ladies at the Esplanade after was absolutely amazing though; and supper with Prakky made me smile like a doofus who just earned forty billion dollars from staring at a laptop.
7th May 2009, hello another bunker for three hours and watch my fingers bleed ! Again
8th May 2009, HSBC Youth Golf Challenge 2nd Leg first day at Tanah Merah Country Club. Hello bagboyyyyyyyyyyyy xxx. Came back with eightyfour off reds at Tampines Course and a tied seventh position, ugh.
9th May 2009, HSBC Youth Golf Challenge 2nd Leg second day, came back with eightythree off reds at Tampines Course, came back with sixth. By three bloody freakin' shots. Eat me.
10th May 2009, Practice Round at Kranji Sanctuary for NSRCC Junior Open. Bless my broken body and slaughtered soul.

I am dead tired.

2009-06-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

To show you how it all began.

Ohmygawd, I haven't posted for like nine days. And I had better do so before Weiqing rips my eyeballs out, squeezes my brains dry, laughs at my corpus luteum, steals my placenta and digs my birth cord out of ground. I'm sure it's buried somewhere in front of the clubhouse where the statue of Kahutia Te Rangi inhabits.

I either really really need a life, or I need to stop being strange. Really, I'd go with the latter. Or maybe I'm not weird, maybe the rest of the world is weird and I'm the only normal human being around. That's why everyone thinks I'm strange when I really am not. In your face, all you strange people of the world ! In your face. Cathleen Wong Su Yin is not strange. She is, in fact, a normal homosapien living on this planet with strange people. I. Swear. Innocence.

I should so be focusing on math, but I'm like eating lemon sorbet and watching Elektra and blogging and texting and doing math at the same time ! And talking to bunny. But bunny's not that distracting. Ohhhhhwell. I am a sleepy girl.

I often need to congratulate and commend people who manage to finish reading my posts, because really, with all the hunkajunkatrash that I write, it's hard to finish reading it and still be thinking like a normal human being. Or maybe because I'm so normal, the person, who is weird, reads it and starts thinking normally !

Ahhhhh. I am a whiz.

2009-05-31T06:23:00.000-07:00

Music's in my soul.

Evidently, I caught Camp Rock on Channel Five, haha. I remember the days when people used to think I looked like Joe Jonas, like whatthehell !?

Anywayyyyyyyyy, I haven't posted in like a million years. And really, I don't have much to post about. Life has been mundane and horrendously boring, except for the overload of golf tournaments. Holla.

2009-05-10T04:07:00.000-07:00

Oh pretty baby, I shouldn't have let you go.

Watching golf into random hours of the night is actually pretty entertaining, especially when you have a lousy, unknown man leading the pack and everyone except him knows that Tiger Woods is going to catch up and thrash him. I hope leader-man chokes on the last day. Making it to Germany when he was nine proves to be a big enough reward. He doesn't need to win The Players' Championships anymore.

Ooh, my parents turned the aircon on. Hurrah for one of the greatest inventions in the world.

2009-05-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

All of the boys and all of the girls.

One by one,
Step by step,
You walk out.
Disappearing, fading.
Gone.
One hit-wonder,
Not a lifetime achiever,
I promised.
I promised I would try.

Life hasn't been entirely happy, life hasn't been entirely sad. You haven't been entirely happy, neither have you been entirely sad. I thought this wouldn't happen to me again, and I promised. I promised I would try so hard so that this would never happen. I told myself that I would have nothing to do with you two ever again, so why the small one now ? Things were bad enough to start with during Christmas 2007. That time, one more. I said goodbye because of him, and now the least I could do is keep my promise. I thought it would be difficult, but after today, maybe not. You're not that awesome.

Backatcha, dumbass.

It's been a while since I've posted, therefore I decided to. Before Weiqing wrings my neck out of the lack of blog posts, or slaps me in the eyeball, or ask Austrian geese to eat my guts out and send them to France, or ask the butterflies of iguana land to eat my pancreas, or ask all handphones in the world to shoot their keypad buttons at my liver, or use Dettol hand sanitizer and wash my elbows away. Whatever she does, it's bound to be strange. As always.

Anywayyyyyy, things have been bouncing at me, not one at a time, but like mega bouncy ball at a time. And I'm surviving really, haha. All hail happy kids with massive muscle aches, self-proclaimed man arms, soon-to-have man legs, and a wrist that I suppose I have broken.

Paul, replyyyyyyyyyyy.

NOW.

2009-04-24T05:50:00.000-07:00

She's making me lose it.

My first day in school for the entire week has proven to be rather productive, eventful and somewhat awake. I stepped into class to find Shu Shien doing something strange with cards for kids in China, to find out that I got amazing marks for my Chinese test (In your face Kenji & Yuan Min !), missed out practically nothing in Chemistry except going through Speed of Reaction, missed out a whole load in Biology (Which kinda amused Miss Lim, for some odd reason), not hand in a whole load of work and got word from Mrs. Tian that I would have absolutely no time to eat for the entire day.

And I stayed awake, or somewhat did.
I slept at eleven last night, how could I still be sleepy !?
Then again, waking up at six today made me really happy. I have not woken up so late in a week or so.

Evidently, I just find my blog rather empty, sad and un-updated recently, and even when I do update, it's really short. Sloth conquers, you cannot blame me. Therefore, so satisfy some strange people who read my blog on a regular basis, I'm sorry to have disappointed you for the past couple weeks, but today, you shall have a long post to read.

But do pardon me if it comes off as random or as a load of rubbish. Which it probably would be anyway.

American Idol Season 8 updates, I love Rickey/American Idol Report Card/VFTW/Jacksons. Spoilers make my day, especially when advertisements get on my nerves. Anywayyyyyyyy, Lil' Rounds got out, like it's about time ! She has been sucking balls and singing like a cow for millions of weeks. It's just so obvious that I don't like her very much, haha. Double elimination also got Anoop Desai out, which depresses me quite a bit. Then again, I can't really imagine anyone else leaving, except for Matt Giraud, but I love them both, so either one leaving would break my heart. Lil' proves to be of none of my concern.

Dean Lee makes me happy. Awwwww, that boy is absolutely adorable. I shall mention Prakky as well, since I'm talking to him now, haha. The lack of a landing strip makes me not too happy, awwww. I think the landing strip looks good on him; boy with a Brazilian on his face. Amuse me, much.

If you have been persistant and managed to read until here, I applaud here, cause really, what I have written so far is absolute junk really. Congratulations on being an avid fan of my blog; or maybe you're just nosy or bored. I'd pick the latter, to be practical. Anywayyyy, back to official business, there's more rubbish. Have fun.

Carrie Underwood and Britney Spears are in my playlist right now. The Ataris as well. I feel like adding Third Eye Blind in but I'm lazy. Def Leppard is occupying one spot. I should totally just play every single song in my music library, it'll take me a year. I swear. Oooooooh, Boy George is playing now. I think I'm just proclaiming my internal monologue to everyone who reads this nonsense that I would like to call a blog.

Ohmygawd, I would love to continue but The Fast & The Furous 4 is calling me from Golden Village Bishan. All hail Paul Walker, sexy to the max. And Vin Diesel. He gives me a strange vibe though.

I shall now depart from this technological advancement in front of me, adjourn to my bedroom and change into clothes that would be appropriate for the cinema. Maybe later, I'll head to the land of cats, dogs, cows, donkeys, giraffes, crocodiles.

And popcorn.

2009-04-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

Looking for some hot stuff.

It's a pretty smile. Sweet, funny and comes into amazing use, haha. It was nice while it lasted I guess. Enjoy the note, maybe I'll see you soon xoxo.

SLGA Amateur Open, a very strange experience. And evidently, I'm lazy to post cause I'm dead tired and I am so going to die in school tomorrow, I just know it. Four days away from school and I'm finally back tomorrow, though I really dread it. Hmmm, golfing everyday sounds horrendously appealing really. Positions and scores are not all that pretty, but what the heck, it was fun.

And he was amazingly good to look at everyday of the week. Eyecandy, hello.

Keep your chin up.

2009-04-17T02:41:00.000-07:00

In your head, in your head.

Adam Lambert, love of my life, I hope I meet you someday. I want to learn to be able to scream in a falsetto like you do without your voice cracking. I want to learn to sing with such amazing vocals. Really, I just wanna lick you all over cause you're so sexy.

The last line's disturbing.
I don't care.

Teehee is still a disgusting word, but I shall use it anyway.

Teehee.

2009-04-11T10:12:00.001-07:00

You should be dancing, yeah.

Posting at 0112hours in the morning when I should be sleeping because I have a tourney tomorrow. Call me a genius or what. Haha, highly unadvisable, but the latte is keeping me awake. Or at least the after effects are taking place. All hail Chai Tea Lattes with Soy Milk; somehow everyone else hates it !

Saturday in point form because I'm lazy to phrase my sentences properly:
- Woke up at 0824hours.
- I know because I panicked after seeing the time.
- Rushed like a mad cow because I was going to be late for training.
- Reached training four minutes late.
- Thank God Paul was enjoying the new office.
- Which is pretty by the way !
- Headed down for range work.
- Swing looks a lot better.
- Got the honor of being the first person to ever use the new training room.
- Did more range work.
- Got slightly tanner.
- Talked to Paul & Chris about my swing a lil' bit more.
- Did short game work.
- Bought curry puffs.
- Headed homeeeeeeeeee.

- Did homework.
- Excitedly, I might add.
- I think I am horrendously strange to be excited about homework.
- It's a good thing though.

- (Shit, I have to reply to my manager about SLGA League !)
- (Give me one seconddddd.)
- (Haha, I'm like verbalizing my internal monologue.)

- Headed to church for Easter Vigil mass.
- Went for mass with Joel, Rach, Caryl, Val, Justin & Zach.
- Played with Emu's furry head.
- Furry.
- Puppy.
- Racoon.
- Three hour long mass.
- Hungry girls and hungry boys.
- Very hungry boys.
- Headed for supper with Rach, Val, Joel, Justin & Zach.
- Missed six traffic light changes while waiting for Joel Lye.
- Finally got on the bus to The Prata Place.
- Joel decided to bail on us when the bus arrived.
- Puppy face !
- Reached The Prata Place and Joel was there !
- That dumbass. Haha.
- Figured that Prata Place was too crowded.
- Walked over to Dino and it was closed.
- Walked back.
- Found a table at The Prata Place.
- Ordering made us confused.
- Finally got our food.
- Justin got a dirty plate and flipped over it.
- The boys eat a lot.
- Paying made us confused again.
- Stood outside Standard Chartered to settle money issues.
- The bank had nothing to do with us settling money.
- Walked to Thomson Plaza.
- Looked stupid and like drunkards playing in front of the door.
- Crashed at Starbucks.
- Hugs&kisses.
- Goodbye Saturday.
- Hello Sunday.

We so need to go for lunch next week. I am dreading the end of catechism classes. Hurrah for happy CC4 kids. Remind me to start taking photos, whoo.

2009-04-05T07:06:00.001-07:00

You can't close your mind.

Sometimes I just fall in love with you all over again. It's hard to believe it's been two years ever since; ever since you happened, ever since he happened, ever since all that drama happened. I'll look on the bright side, at least it made my mundane, dreary life more fascinating for both myself and the people around me; or at least the people who I ranted to, which I am somewhat apologetic for. Nonetheless, you still make me smile.

Naughty or not.

2009-04-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

No more making you cry.

Prakky miloveeeeee, boy with the beautiful hair, or so he claims.
Prakky miloveeeeee, wannabe legendary sex guru. (I shall not question.)
Prakky miloveeeeee, in an attempt to not be ahbeng.
Prakky miloveeeeee, a twenty-four year old (not) paedophile.
Prakky miloveeeeee, needs to eat more.
Prakky miloveeeeee, can order prata in Tamil.
Prakky miloveeeeee, is supposedly shy.
Prakky miloveeeeee, boy with a Brazilian on his face.

Now give me a reason to not love this boy.
Sweetheart makes me smile.

2009-04-03T03:33:00.000-07:00

Someone to die for.

Yuresh keeps plucking his guitar into the phone. My ear hurts.
Any other reason for me to hate him, no.

2009-03-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

You're not the one for me.

It's about time Michael Sarver got out. Ain't Too Proud To Beg was sang in the fifties and it should be left there, and not taken out again in the twenty-first century to be massacred by amateurish singing on National TiVo. He started off good and started going down down down after the Top 36 was created. I guess he really doesn't suck; he just sucks next to the other contestants. Like Adam, hint hint.

Adam Lambert was the sex singing Tracks Of My Tears, absolutely beautiful. He looks strange in a suit though, but still sexy. Always sexy.

2009-03-21T01:24:00.000-07:00

When the rain's blowing near your face.

I feel like changing my blog layout, I really do. Because I just realized that it doesn't look the way it does on my main computer on every single computer in the world, which I find rather ugly. Yknw, how the whole layout thingamajig varies with size of the screen, and having a massive screen, it kinda makes it pretty only on a big screen, which makes me depressed when it comes to small screens. Maybe I will, I most probably will, before school reopens I hope. Hmmm.

Homework is getting to my already mushed-up brain.

I am watching American Idol VIII, Top 11, Grand Ole Opry Week all over againnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Maybe cause I was like half falling asleep on Wednesday cause I had to wake up at five the next day, so it doesn't really bother me. Haha. Kris Allen is P.R.E.T.T.Y., and married, which is funny, when Simon said that he shouldn't have brought out the wife so early. Rickey thinks that Simon pissed the wife off, so funny. Adam Lambert's Ring Of Fire was sexy, I swear, in a strange high-pitched way.

I might have to give Ethan Hawke a skip, I am depressed.

I need to stop posting random posts, cause it's just really strange, haha. But I figure that only Weiqing reads this shit, so it's okay. Anything that's lame and strange appeals to her, so it doesn't bug me one bit.

Enjoy Weiqing !

Amongst happy ducks in dairy land.

2009-03-19T04:07:00.000-07:00

And all the of the things that we've gone through.

Oh no, not you again.
Standing from afar and pretending to hate you. It's painful, absolutely painful. I pray no one finds out, and I pray no one will ever find out.

Just make this thing end,

In three,
Two,
One.

Get out of my head.

2009-03-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

I say don't you know.

Idol Fever is getting to me. Holla American Idol Wednesdays and Thursdays, and the occasional Friday, which makes me really happy. Season Eight has been absolutely amazing thus far, and Adam Lambert just keeps making it better. Hurrah for pretty gay rocker boys. Bradam, haha. So purdy.

Horrific, indulgent nonsense ?
Ohmygeeeeeeeees.

The mountainous load is getting to my head.
Literally.

2009-03-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

Throw your hands in the ayer.

I have this strange sense of accomplishment every single time I finish one Yue Du Ji Cheng just so I can submit it every Monday, which happens to be on time. So all you people who call me kentang, think I cannot speak Chinese, think I fail at being Singaporean, in your faces ! I am 100% Asian, to the max alright.

My life after Os, sheer joy.
You won't understand me, unless you're me.
Or unless you ask me.
And it depends on whether I'm willing to say.

You are such a piece of marble cake.

2009-03-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

There's a hero, if you look inside your heart.

I am so brave. Admire my prowess as I slowly pierce the choroid of the pig's eyeball; and as the black pigment squirts out, I attempt to cut it into half to reveal the lens. I'm just on my way to becoming a forensic scientist or a plastic surgeon really, practice since young, dissecting eyeballs and whatnot. Next stop, dead or alive human bodies, depends which profession I want to pursue. I know you're secretly mocking my possible inability to dissect the eyeball properly, but watch out world, Cathleen Wong is going into the medical profession, whether you like it or not.

But she will always have golf has a first priority. Hurrah.

American Idol Season 8, Top 13.
Hellyeahhhhhhhhhhhh, most of my favorites are in the Top 13 this season and this makes me happy. Think Adam Lambert, Anoop Desai, Kris Allen, Danny Gokey and Jorge Nunez all singing week after week, absolute joy. The only one that made me sad was Nathaniel Marshall. Like awwwwwwww, he's not really the best looking one and whatnot, but he's just adorable, in baby-boy, puppydog, I-Want-To-Kiss-You way. If you know what I'm saying that is. American Idol Season 8 makes a wonderful playlist. Matt Giraud's Viva La Vida is playing right now, after I listened to Adam Lambert's Satisfaction.

The boys just get prettier year after year.

You know how Weiqing always complains when I don't post on a regular basis, yes. And since I seldom have time to post nowadays, I shall make my posts longer everytime I post. I love this picture, as camwhore-ish and ah-lian-ish as it looks. Stupid actually, if you want to put it short. This was taken in a traffic mirror while walking around Zoe's estate in an attempt to digest all the food that we ate. Being the pigs we are, specifically Weiqing and I, we ate like mad cows that haven't eaten for twenty two years because they were flying across Mars to the Moon. That's how much we ate. And how much we eat on a regular basis. Haha, pizza was the bomb.

Weiqing, be satisfied with this post.

I am a hungry girl. If you have successfully read until this portion of the post, good for you ! Thank you for having such wonderful patience and dedication to read my blog and decifer what I'm saying half the time. At least nothing is in italics this time, usually no one understands what I'm saying when I type in italics. Sometimes I read my archives and I don't know who or what I'm talking about. It's funny. Math is done, Chinese is not, English not.

There will be a way.
To the land of spoons.

2009-03-04T07:44:00.000-08:00

I will do anything for love.

Crowd pleaser, really. And I don't know whether I should live up to it this time. I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm stressed and I'm worried. Came as a scare, I doubt so; a shock, I dare not say. I guess I had it coming, right smack in my face. Except that it was through a more serious issue this time. Personal, I honestly don't think so. I just don't see why I have to live up to your standards when really, I'm just sick and tired of it all.

Leaving is a thought.
Leaving at this point of time is plain stupidity.

Maybe I will.
I pray.

2009-02-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

Taking the easy way out.

Fifteen days to HSBC Youth Golf Challenge.
Thirty days to National Inter-School Golf Championships.
Three days until my coach flies off for two weeks.

Evidently, I. Am. Stressed.

In times like these, I thank God for the chocolate. The ultimate stress relieve, hell yeah to that.

And of course, Keith Lazaroo, you are awesome.

2009-02-22T06:54:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's time to come home.

I am going to head down to happy Queensland, Australia after O Levels to train at the academy there every siingle day. I am going to train under Gary, or ohmygawd, maybe I'll see Baden there again, that'll be funny. And I am going to turn so awesome, I'm going to come back and rock the place and qualify for HSBC Ladies Championship 2010.

Just cause I say so.

Wake up, now.

2009-02-21T09:50:00.000-08:00

I try to do it right this time around.

Some part of me wants to. Some part of me wants it to happen so bad, but I know it won't. I know that it will never happen. If you did, I would. If you will, I swear I would. Sad part is, I know you won't. And even if you did, I think I won't. Ironic as it seems, I really think I won't. You're an absolute joy, absolute comedian and I feel the happiest when I'm with you, but I'm standing around now, and seeing such a good friend of mine being in the spot I wish I were in. Or maybe I'm just hoping that I am wishing. Maybe God answered my prayers.

I thought three years would be easy, and I thought I could breeze through, especially through this year. I set my heart on studying, but seeing you there every single time makes it so difficult. Really, one thing I can't keep to, and I usually keep to things without any trouble. You're an absolute joy, and I'm doubting.

Mr. AWong has trained us well, absolutely beautifully well. I am such an utterly convincing person when it comes to lying about turning up at parties. Well, thing is I told Weiqing that I won't be making it, but I did anyway ! Haha. She screamed at me, but it's okay, I still got Ruffles and pizza. Amazingggg food, but now I feel fat. Stuffed is an amazing word really, like a turkey on Christmas Day. Or like my mother's closet. I like the turkey one better. Anywayyyyyyyyy, kudos to Gloria for helping me with the entire thing, or I would have gotten lost. Very lost. (As always anyway, but that's not the point.) Whatnot, Happy Sixteenth Birthday Celine. Stay legal, stay away.

Weiqing always complains that my posts are either to short, or I don't post at all. Haha, therefore, I shall. I really ought to be sleeping now, but obviously I am not. Maybe I am, and this really isn't me typing, but some random stranger who decided to hack into my account and type the exact same way that I do. That would be interesting. Maybe I'm actually Weiqing, posting for Cathleen because she doesn't do it regularly enough. Maybe I'm actually Celine, wanting to post about her own party where she got awesome presents, I'm telling you. Maybe I'm actually some mysterious person who's stalking Cathleen and decides to post like her. Or maybe I'm just Cathleen being, well, Cathleen. In short, weird. I'm getting lazy, and the land of fluff and pretty boys with ear studs and Acid Betty-s are waiting for me to invade. Therefore I shall.

In a while.

Goodbye Black Bird.

2009-02-20T01:41:00.000-08:00

Nothing that I want to do.

Beautiful disaster,
Beautiful troublemaker,
Beautiful everything.

I see a glisten,
In your eyes,
And in mine.

Something makes me want to.

See.

I know it happened a whole week ago, but really, I ought to post about Drama Night 2009, Crossings: Taking The First Step, since it was such a success. Thinking about it, we really have so many people to thank, be it running the whole show, making the show happen, or even the audience. After all, with no audience, how can there even such an event ? All I can say is that performances were amazing, forum was amazing, audience was amazing, feedback was amazing. We. Were. Amazing.

It's our last drama night together, unless we decide on a guest performance next year, that is. It's been a wonderful four years, three in my case; this journey that drama class has been on together - assessment after assessment, random field trips, never ending rehearsals, piling up stress, all and whatnot. It's been absolutely amazing, and I've really got fifteen very special people. Drama Class of 2009, You. Are. Amazing.

Pretty flyyyyyyyy.

2009-02-15T03:57:00.000-08:00

At the sound of your name.

Orchid Juniors Monthly Medals today.
Ohmygawd, horrible to the max. Probably the worst game I've played in a year. Orchid Juniors are officially dyinggggggggggggggg in a bad spell.
(And no, Yuan Min, it's not my fault.)
Haha, but adorable things do happen anyway.

This is so funny. Kenji and Tommy, vast differences. Goodness me.

Magic without the shimmering splendour,
Wizardry without the wand,
And as we join hands,
Hold each other,
Hugs and kisses,
Around the fountain of joy,
I see you,
And you see me.

Elation etched out,
Perfection personified,
Satisfaction sketched out,
Desire described.

Beautiful, mesmerizing,
Gorgeous, attracting.
An understatement,
A breathing, living,
Understatement.

The stars twinkle,
Glistening in the black box,
Teasing, flirting, tempting,
Shining for all the loved ones,
Gone, missing, lost.
Disappeared.

Maybe you'll see again.

2009-02-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

Hold on to what we've got.

Weiqing and I come up with dumbest things to do, entertain ourselves, get totally laughed at by everyone, get totally laughed at by ourselves, then we go on being our usual stupid selves. It has actually gotten me into the conclusion that we are not normal.

I shall now randomly list down stupid things we do/did:
1. Build a chips fortress when labelling boxes of them, until we created an entire circle around ourselves, therefore ending up stuck inside our little circle.

2. Decide to sit down one day and be normal, then ending up with nothing to do.

3. Figuring that if we join The Amazing Race together, we'll never make it because we'd stop to eat every two minutes.

4. Beatbox to Kuo Pao Kun's "The Silly Little Girl & The Funny Old Tree" first scene, and causing him to turn in his grave.

5. Beatbox (Fail) while making random raps (Fail) about mushroom cheese toast cause the auntie at the bread store no longer sold ham and cheese toast.

6. Pretending to do stupid things to make a certain someone cringe in disappointment and the feeling of rejection.

7. Giggling while crying and attempting to be serious when Celine roared at Gloria in U.K.

8. Scream "The Persians are coming" in a retarded fashion during rehearsals. Most of the time, putting us together makes us enter a silly little bubble where everything else just seems oblivious and we have stupid conversations that have absolutely no relation to anything.

I can't think of anything else right now, but when I do, I shall let you know. In short, Weiqing and I are weird. And to emphasize this highly strange friendship, let me post a picture. Hurrah.

(I like my new blog layout. Yay.)

2009-02-02T00:41:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure of the right words to say.

I'll admit it was harsh. I'll admit it was cold. I'll admit it was heartless. Now I'm just waiting for you to take responsibility, not for what you did, but for what you didn't do. Maybe I'll tell, maybe I won't. As weird as it feels, I think it's basic courtesy for me to talk, but I don't know if you're willing to listen. Feeling I'm getting now is that you're not, and I really can't do anything about it, so should I still bother ?

All I'm asking for is a smile.

2009-01-29T05:08:00.000-08:00

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me.

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

You. Are. Beautiful.

2009-01-28T04:03:00.000-08:00

Cause you're hot then you're cold.

And you didn't come true. Am I bothered ? Not really, I guess. Since nothing really started, or so we presume. I don't know, and I really don't care. It was nice while it lasted I guess. Goodbye you.

I have officially decided that I am going to join Singapore Idol 2010, yknw, after my O Levels, with nothing to do, waiting for posting, waiting for results, whatnot. And I'm singing Britney Spears' Toxic for auditions, hellyeahhhhhhhhh.

2009-01-18T07:49:00.000-08:00

And this is what it said.

11:11, I really pray that you'll come true this time. It's going well so far, but how far, I really don't know. I rather take it slow and be left in the dark for now instead of having it thrown at my face. See how it goes, perhaps. But then again, it's my only choice isn't it.

Timothy Ethan Chan, gets thrashed, and has a pretty voice.
We the duet bomb manzxzxzxzxz.

2009-01-16T02:19:00.001-08:00

Right back where we started.

A sudden burst of inspiration has kept me hopping around in school, getting all excited about my individual drama piece. Well, hello there busy streets and bad computers. And meet the new Brian, hellyeahhhhhhh. If only I had softwares. And better cameras. And better lights. And cool effects. And actors. And money. Yes, all we need is ice cream and a hug. Honestly, this is just a bunch of rubbish coming out of my mouth. I could type so much that by the time you get to the middle of this post, you probably would get sick of reading it. I will officially stop editing typos from now on. Let's see how this starnge funny thing will turn out. And now, I shall begin in three, two one. It'll be difficult though, cause I'll like lose my train of thought in the middle of bad spelling. But then again it would be really funny. Omhmygawd, haha, that was funny. I now I forgot what I wainitially wanted to say about something. What that something was I have absolutely no idea. Im very curious to see what who will complete reading this post, cause honestly, It's just a whole bunch of rubbish. I bet Weiqing would, she's always asking me to post and since she's rubbishy, and rubbishy post would entertain here to the max. Goodness, my tutyping without backspace is horribly funny. I'm obviouls ynentertaining myself. Now words are starting to look funny. Funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny/ . (I'm actually yryingtrying to see how many times I can type funny without misspelling it.) Funyn funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funnyy. I giive up, thati is actually pretty boring. My goodness, I officially can't speel without backspace, or just tahat I have really bad typing. This is horribly entertaining. I should try it when I'm sleepy one day, that'll be really funy ! Haha. Fuyfunny. My goodness, that word is geting to me. Oooooooh, I speel pot smell potato. Haha, Wieiqing sahall be entertained. Mygoodness, I ought to stop. But no ! hiThis is really funy. Funny. k Humorous humorous. Wow, I spelt it with a U. Eh wait, humorous, humourous, humoros. Ohhhhh, okay, never mind, ignore that. Haha. My daddy's on a fcall and even though it's English, I can't understand anything. Hahahah. I alsmost pressed backspace ! But noooooo, I didn;'t. What awesome finger power slash contrlopl I have. Except when it comes to typing. I wonder actually bothered to read untlil here, without all the paragraphs and bad spelling and highly strange sentences. I should stop.

Really, really. Shit I pressed backspace ! Ahhhhhhhh. Suh-lap myself
Goodbye now.
That was fun while it lasted.
Typolnand. Welcome bacon.

2009-01-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

Let the drummer kick it.

Attachment, so much more than love. Really so much more, so why is it that I feel like some worthless asshole every single time it happens. It's a beauty isn't it, to see someone you love feeling happier than ever. Or maybe it's just meant to be that the only way for me to be happy is to see you happy. And I guess I have to live with it.

Jealous much.

2008-12-31T19:33:00.001-08:00

But you're yesterday's child to me.

Sometimes I think about how close we were, and how distant we are now, and everything seems so empty. I remember how I used to love you, and you loved me back, and maybe I'm just trying too hard now, because you obviously don't care anymore. So come to think of it, why am I caring ? Why do I even pretend to care anymore when all you're causing me right now is pain. You used to be so sweet, so lovely, so caring. And now you're just some asshole who only cares about yourself. So why the hell am I still caring ? Why I bother, why I care, why I'm concerned, I don't know. I really don't know. Seems like I'm just wasting my time on someone who doesn't deserve it one bit. 2008, seems beautiful doesn't it. A thing of the past, you disgust me.

2008-12-28T21:26:00.000-08:00

All of the stars have faded away.

It's a brand new adventure, and it's tempting, very tempting. Enticing, dare I say. Hello sweetie.

Winter in Florida, hang in a swim suit. Amazing.

2008-12-24T21:30:00.000-08:00

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

It's amazing how a little Christmas spirit can bring back beautiful memories about the people who are close, past, present, whatever. A girl can dream.

January twentysecond, January twentyfourth.
Perth, Brisbane, Singapore.

Merry Christmas with love.

2008-12-18T05:29:00.000-08:00

Here comes the jackpot question in advance.

It's only been one year, and surprisingly long as it seems, it's only been a year. At the point of me posting this, even less than a year in fact. Tuesday was the first time I heard from you ever since we figured that what we had was doing no one any good. Incredible, you took the words out of my mouth. Short, yet, incredible. It was a feeling that I had not felt in a horribly long time. Rebound, you may say, but I don't know. The way you made me feel seem absolutely magical. That night was worth it.

All the way home, you're a silly boy, aren't you.

And I miss you too.

2008-12-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

She said I am the one.

I promised to post.

I did. Haha.

2008-12-15T00:12:00.000-08:00

So go ahead and say what you wanna say.

I'm going to be flying off in a couple hours, all the way until next January, so should my blog become dead or unupdated, (I know they mean the same thing, but what the heck.), do pardon me. If I get access to computers and the internet, I might post. Emphasis on might. Or in short, most probably not. I actually feel like updating, but sloth overcomes. Too bad for you.

Hello U.S.A., goodbye Singapore.
I shall do Christmas wishes whenever.

2008-12-05T09:09:00.001-08:00

Just like a coke bottle.

I am done entertaining fluffy hair. Think Bob Marley.

The truth hurts, and sometimes, regardless of whether I want to find out or not, I do. Shit happens I guess, and I don't know what's going on right now. I don't want to know. God bless me.

2008-12-03T08:02:00.000-08:00

I won't even wish for snow.

I'm not going to say anything ever again. Even if you should beg, plead, question, hell no, I am not going to say anything ever again. This has annoyed me and pissed me off too many times. I don't care what you say, I don't care what you think, I am who I am, and even if personal opinion doesn't matter to you, it matters to me. Live with it.

I am dreading 2009.

2008-11-28T05:13:00.000-08:00

In the script of my life.

I sit in a nice air-conditioned room, a place where I have learnt to fully appreciate the uses of the air-conditioning system in the hemisphere. I swear, after a horrendously hot two and a half hours of practice at a burning driving range, the air-conditioning system seems like the best thing in the world. Besides golf, my handphone and mashed potato that is. Heh. Those three things shall bever be replaced. Oh, by the way, the air-conditioned room is actually the academy. I come here to steal, no, borrow, air-con whenever I'm here. Cause I know how to appreciate it better than anyone else ! Haha, all hail.

I bet Diana would give me a weird look once she reads this.
I've told you a million times, you are not allowed to eat the penguin !
Hellyeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2008-11-27T07:11:00.001-08:00

I'm not trying to bring you down.

I am in a horrifyingly extreme Christmas mood already. I constantly sing Christmas carols to myself, I imagine ice-skating in the middle of Disney World on Christmas Day, I imagine opening a present and seeing something golf-related inside (Heh.), I think of seeing him back in Singapore, I think of buying Santa hats and wearing them everywhere I go. Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.

Even my nails are red. (Think festive.)

(Christmas is a gay season. Gay as in happy, not gay-gay. Haha, I am so awesome at puns. The picture amuses me.)

Evidently, my red nails and the sun is getting to my head.

2008-11-24T04:28:00.000-08:00

You're so ambitious for a juvenile.

I will learn to love you the way you are, not because I have to live with you for a long while, but because I want to. I guess we both have something to learn, something new to adapt to. And it's going to be a long, tedious journey, but thank you for being persistent about me. Thank you for being willing to take on this challenge with me. Thank you for agreeing to journey with me. And I will love you, always.

Italiano.

Orchid VS Seletar Junior InterClub Championship.
Thank you for returning the trophy.
Hurrah to happy kids with happy coaches.

2008-11-21T09:35:00.001-08:00

Men weren't mean to ride with clouds between their knees.

"Don't cry because it's over,
Smile because it happened."

For the first time in my life, I'm not going to believe in it. Because I really can't bring myself to smile. Life hasn't been better, and I dare say you're one of the few things that keep me constantly going. For the first time in my life, I look forward to slugging my guts out, I look forward to getting muscle aches, I look forward to feeling tired, I look forward to not getting enough sleep. Because it's what I love to do, and the time spent with you makes everything better. It's so sad to see someone as wonderful as you to leave just like that.

Maybe I'm not going to have any regrets, maybe I'm not going to feel bad, maybe I'm not going to wish I had done something else, but this is the first time where I really really feel absolutely horrible. It's depressing to hold everything in, but I don't want to make the situation any worse. Every single time I hear that word, I cringe. I literally cringe because I don't deserve it. You've done nothing wrong, absolutely nothing wrong.

The past week has been so magical, and this is one week to remember. You've always wanted the best for me, so I'm going to pray for the best for you now. Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be. I'm not going to be selfish and wish that you'll be back. As much as I want you to come back, I still hope that you'll do perfect. Whatever will be, will be. If you come back, then you will. If it's not meant to happen, then I'm glad that I've been able to take this journey with you.

My coach, my hero.
I'll miss you.
Thank you for loving me.

2008-11-18T07:45:00.000-08:00

I want you to know my name.

It's absolutely beautiful thinking about what we had during the past year, and it's amazing how we got so close. All the times we could just sit and talk about everything and anything, and how I knew I could always talk to you regardless of what ever that happened. I'm happy to know that I'll be seeing you soon, really soon. It'll be here and gone before I know it. Somehow, the going part never seemed really appealing.

I miss you, so much.
January seems enticing.

2008-11-16T09:01:00.001-08:00

I'll go wherever you will go.

The year is coming to a close, and really, this year, I have so many people to thank. Some close, some not, some that I really don't know, but deserve a thanking anyway.

Going back to that place brings back memories. And I stand there now as a stranger, as an outsider, as someone unfamiliar, someone new. It's an entirely different feeling. I don't feel that warmth, I don't feel the care, I don't feel the concern, I don't feel the love. The people make the place, that's all I can say. And I miss him so much. So very much.

It just feels empty.

2008-11-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

Probably gonna start a fight.

Life's unfair sometimes, and I guess that's the way things are. I just have to live with the shit that people give me for voicing personal opinion, for having my own views, for not constantly following the crowd. But what can I say, shit happens.

No mood to post, bug off.

2008-11-12T08:55:00.000-08:00

Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear.

If you were here right now, I'd tell you how much I love you.
If you were here right now, I'd tell you how much I miss you.
If you were here right now, I'd tell you how awesome you are.
If you were here right now, I'd tell you how I think everyone's wrong.
If you were here right now, I'd tell you how different life is without you.

I miss you quite terribly, in fact, I miss you a lot. I almost cried when they started talking about you today. God's gift to the ladies, or so they say ? I guess I can say I agree to a certain extent, but so what ? You're not hurting anyone, you're not harming anyone. So why is it that everyone thinks you're horrible, but me ? Always seems that way, doesn't it.

Life doesn't always give you what you want, but once in a while, it drops a little gift for me, a little miracle. And I'm glad I didn't waste this one.

At least I got to say bye.

2008-11-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

A loving contradiction.

Bestfriend, bestfriend, bestfriend, bestfriend.
You make me smile.

I have nothing to post about, except how Justin Heah Sieu Poh the funny boy makes me smile a lot. Haha.

2008-10-26T10:07:00.001-07:00

Burning through your eyes.

I want to thank you, thank you with every single gut, every single nerve, every single bloody cell within me, for giving me this opportunity to shine once more. It's exactly thirty days until my big day, and this time, you're going to see me as a new person, a new player, a new star. You are going to want me for being me. You are going to want me. You are going to want me so bad. Why, because you do. I've played there before, I've shined there before, I've played well there before, I've been in high rankings there before. And it's going to happen once more.

Hello beautiful.

2008-10-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

You better knock on wood.

Silent, still, and I begin to think of you, standing next to me. Reminiscing about what we had, just a mere few months ago make me realize how much I miss you. You were a coach, a friend, a companion, and confidante, a father. You were someone I could always count on, someone I could always talk to, when I was sad, when I was happy, when I was angry, when I was upset, when I was on sugar high, whenever. You've seen me smile, you've seen me cry, you've seen me at my highest points, and at my lowest. And you were always there for me. It's beautiful, absolutely beautiful, to have known someone like you. And I'm glad I did. I love you, I really do.

2008-10-24T10:33:00.001-07:00

With flowers in my hair.

I don't know if this is a good moment to feel happy, because it'll be really sick if I did, but I actually do. I feel happy, relaxed, relieved, and whatever other adjective that describes light-hearted and stress free. At least I can live my life the way I want to, at least I can be happy about who I am, at least I can live without worrying. I swear I've still got some reason to be happy. As sick and verging on inhumane it can be, I'm still happy.

And finally, I can love you without a reason.
And I can love you without worry.
And I can love you without fear.
And I can love you without guilt.

And you don't know that I love you.
Never knew, never will know.

Mum's the word.

2008-10-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

Then will you still call me Superman.

I never know what to say, and I never know what to do in a time like this. And why, I'll never know. This isn't the first time I've been through this, this isn't the first time I've felt this sense of emptiness or confusion, but why, I don't know what to do again, I'll never know. At least I have someone to talk to this time, and maybe things will get easier as time passes, but for the first time, it's someone I don't even know well. Maybe it's just a passing thing, or time will make everything better, but I can't put my finger on it just as yet. In the mean time, I refuse to say anything. Absolutely refuse. I can't risk anything, I won't risk anything, I refuse to risk anything. Maybe I always say I'm not ready, but I don't know. I'm counting on time to save me this time. God bless me.

God bless you.

2008-10-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

No one's going to stop me.

If you live in a world where personal opinion does not matter, then I'm sorry, please respect the fact that I live in a world where it does. Politically correct answers don't amuse me. The right thing doesn't amuse me. Knowing everything doesn't amuse me. If it makes you happy, so be it. But please, don't try turning me into you, because it will never happen. I will never become like you, I will never think like you, I will never want to be anything like you. Don't think you're wonderful, don't think you're amazing, because you're not. If you knew the number of people that hate you, maybe you wouldn't be so arrogant. And don't try using authority on me. You're just going to experience failure after failure, but what can I say. Have fun.

2008-10-13T05:28:00.000-07:00

Cause I'm a hot topic.

I had a dream about you one day, you came back, you took my hand, and hugged me so tight. And it's pretty obvious that I miss you quite terribly. It was just a couple of months, a few less than a year, but it's amazing how much joy you brought into my life, how much you made me smile, how much you made me feel loved, how much you made me feel special. You made me feel like the happiest little girl on my birthday, and you were the only person who actually celebrated my birthday for me this year. You didn't have to, but you did; you weren't family, you weren't someone close, you weren't someone I knew for ages. But the way you made me feel so loved made me smile so much, and thinking about you right now, I'm smiling. Thank you for making me feel like someone actually loved me, even though I only knew you for such a short time. Finally, I say goodbye with no regrets. Thank you so much, with love.

2008-10-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

It's time to move your body.

Things that happen between mother dearest and I:
Mom: What drink do you want ?
Me: Lime juice.
Mom: Lime juice, your head ah. Go and buy dessert.

Me: Bites into an egg.
Mom: Cluck cluck cluck !

Mom: Go take off your lenses, don't wear them for such long hours !
Me: Aiyah, later.
Mom: Can't you see without your lenses ?
Me: Not really.
Mom: Doesn't matter, at most you walk into a wall.

Now you have to give me some form of leeway for being this horrendously abnormally. As in seriously, it's not my fault I have evolved into this weirdo, based on the kind of parents I have. Life is hilarious.

2008-10-01T04:47:00.001-07:00

Don't say you love me.

It's already October, and really, time flies. Just two more months, and I'll be waltzing away my Christmas in Disneyworld, while anticipating 2009 with dread. I just pray that my dreadful anticipation and waltzing don't come simultaneously. Hopefully, the anticipation comes after the waltzing.

And soon, I'm going to be posting random thank-yous on my blog, once again. And thinking about it, I really have so many people to thank this year. From school, from the academy, from AKLTG, from the team, whoever else. 2008 has been absolutely magical, despite heartbreaks and heartaches, it still has been a wonderful year.

Plus, I've got plenty of New Year Resolutions to make, and one of them's going to have to be keeping to my resolutions. Hellyeah, hello bombshell.

I am going to the gym on Friday ! Teehee. (Is a disgusting word)

2008-09-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

I want to kiss you every minute.

Why I don't feel the tiniest bit of guilt, I'll never know. I know I shouldn't be doing this, because I'll probably be hurting the sweetest person I've ever known, but I can't help it. I'm not saying it comes naturally, but it just happens. Subconsciously. Naturally. But I don't want it to happen. It just does.

Oh Lord, make me pure, but not yet.
I'm sorry, I don't want you to go. I really don't.

2008-09-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

Just the two of us.

I sent this to Weiqing:
"Ohmygawd. My Kimi crashed ! Ahhhhhhhh. So depressing."
And she didn't reply me. Doesn't really matter.
Point it, I don't have to express my depression of Kimi crashing with only four laps remaining any further. The seven words explain everything, or nine words, if you insist on saying that 'oh my gawd' is really three words and not one.

In short,
Kimi crashed.
I am sad.
Icemannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Evidently, my life is getting highly mundane. All I do is mug, day in, day out. I hardly go for training, which for me, is absolutely amazing. I sit in front of the T.V., watching Australia's Next Top Model, Spongebob Squarepants, Fairly OddParents, Bad Girls' Club, Vanity Lair, MTV Score, RoomRaiders, Taildaters, Suite Life Of Zack & Cody, Navistock LPGA Events, Nationwide Tours and anything else that's good on TV, while studying. Amazing, what kind of results I achieve with my lackadaisical shit. I don't even know if I spelt that word right. (Spellcheck says I did !)

Goldi Poldi, alleluia.

Teehee, I am so funny.

2008-09-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

I've become what I can't be.

Breaking up is hard to do.

Hocus pocus, alakazam.
I am beginning to really hate Houdini.

People disappear one by one, and when I begin to think that maybe it'll stop soon and everything and/or everyone shall be appeased and happy, fine and dandy, someone disappears again. I guess shit really does happen.

You still have to get me drunk, helloooooooooooo eighteenth.
I'll miss you. A lot.

Pradeepa Luwis Ethapane, thank you for making 2008 extra special.

2008-09-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

We can baby, we can do a one night stand.

On Saturday, I bit into an egg, and it clucked.
On Saturday, I asked for lime juice and my mom said I was mad.
On Saturday, I learnt how to hit a golf ball backwards.
On Saturday, I removed 'can't' from my vocabulary.
On Saturday, I putted next to a weird guy.
On Saturday, I almost got Hua Yeow's elephant.
On Saturday, Deeps and I weren't twins.
On Saturday, I submitted a scorecard to Erlina.

Today, I was an outright mugger in the middle of the corridor.

Beat. That.

Oh, how people get hot in one year. Shit happens.

2008-09-19T07:39:00.000-07:00

Now I'm running and screaming.

She wore her wedding dress,
To the funeral,
She said the dead don't rest,
For the beautiful,
And as she pulls her groom,
Out of the ground,
She gives him one last kiss,
Before they lay him down.

Christmas Every Day.

2008-09-16T00:03:00.000-07:00

Someone please save us from Punk Rock 101.

I haven't found myself thinking about someone so much ever since that day, and I don't know whether it's a good thing. I thought I would be stronger, I thought I would be able to handle such things, because I've been through it before, because I know what I'm going to be feeling. But I guess not. I'm back to being the same old bloody bitch who doesn't know how to handle dumbass situations. Oh and once again, just as End Of Years are approaching. Always seems to happen during this time doesn't it. Maybe it's just God's plan for me on making me focus more because I'll know that I won't focus as well as I ought to, so maybe God wants me to push myself to focus more. I am actually starting to confuse myself.

But then again, I'm easily confused.

2008-09-14T04:34:00.000-07:00

Thinking that we were through.

Thanks for making me a fighter.

Honestly, there's only one person I can really thank right now. 24th November 2007, I don't think I'll ever forget that day, as hard as I try to forget it, I can't. And I want to thank you for it. Thank you for being you, and thank you for happening. Eight months of pain wasn't too much to handle.

2008-09-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

I've been losing so much time.

Shit happens,
Bitches exist.

I'll take it, I'll take everything you're going to say to me because right now, I know that my conscience is clear. I've done nothing wrong, and nothing to offend you, so why pick on me like that ? Really, get a life, that's pretty much all I can say. I'm not going to pick a fight with you, because I'd be stooping down to your level, and I am not going to degrade myself to match you. You could try raising your standards though. It'll be a good choice. Find something more meaningful to do, maybe you wouldn't be so bitter.

He doesn't look a bit like Jesus,
But he talks like a gentleman.

2008-09-05T08:54:00.000-07:00

Can I lick it, can I kick it.

I was reading Weiqing Tan's blog, after not reading it for ages, like ever since she left for OBS a week ago, and I stumbled upon a word she used: Ulu. It just crossed my mind that I never spelt that word as she does, isn't ulu spelt ooloo ? As in seriously, you do drag the oo and the loo, yes, don't you ? Like ulu seems so stunted and stifling, really. It sounds so short, and stubby, and fat, and absolutely horrifyingly stunted. Really really stunted. It's bugging me.

Anywayyyyyy, moving on to more normal things that normal human beings talk about. (Yes, normal is referring to me. You are not allowed to scoff or choke at this point of time, cause I will know, hmmm.)

HSBC Youth Golf Challenge Day #1
1st September 2008, Monday
I came back with an 87 on Laguna National Golf Club, and to say, quite frankly, I wasn't impressed, but I wasn't like bummed as well. Fourth place on an entirely foreign course, amongst seasoned players really didn't disappoint me too much. But then came Day Two.
HSBC Youth Golf Challenge Day #2
2nd September 2008, Tuesday
Came back with an 89, and I have come to the conclusion that my putting is killing me, oh yes, it is, so very much. It's amazing how important putting is to an entire game. I lost my fourth place, and got placed sixth by one stroke.

Painful, I dare say. And really heart-wrenching, to be in medal contention after the first day, and knowing that you've lost everything after that. I'll take it as a lesson learnt, as a learning experience, because there are no failures in life. And I've learnt that every shot counts, every shot matters in golf because it could mean the difference in winning and losing. Every single shot, and thank you Mr. Keith Lazaroo. I still miss you.

SLGA Junior Ranking Medals
4th September 2008, Thursday
Played at Orchid Country Club, homeground, and I played horrendously. Do. Not. Ask. Negativity breeds negativity.
SLGA Junior Ranking Medals
5th September 2008, Friday
Sentosa, Tanjong Course, and I've only got one word to describe it: Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

So it's the end of my golf games for this season, and it only means one thing: The end of the September holidays, or at least in a couple days.

Now you hear me say ouch.

Favorite boyyyyyyyyyyy !
And I quote Weiqing Tan: "Dean is plenty hot, eyecandy."
Haha.

2008-09-03T07:40:00.001-07:00

You were searching for a place to hide.

Easy come, easy go.
I miss you quite terribly.
Happy twenty-eighth birthday Baden, I hope you have a wonderful one.

It's sad how sometimes in life, you just don't get a second chance. Regardless of whether you've changed or not, you just don't. Because of the impression you've given, because of the mistakes you've made, because of the trouble you've caused, because of the people you've hurt. People change, things don't; things change, people don't.

The Yellow Ribbon Project does not work wonders.

I'll post about HSBC Youth Golf Challenge another day, I'm going to do my nails. Inner bimbo.

2008-08-31T07:32:00.000-07:00

When I was younger I would say.

Pussycat Dolls are infesting my head, not good for braincells. I swear the 'When I Grow Up' video is highly disturbing in a strange slutty, sexy way. Why, I don't know. Do not ask me for any form of logic when it comes to random things in my head. Logic never forms. Thank you very much.

HSBC Youth Golf Challenge3rd Leg tomorrow,
Laguna Golf & Country Club, Day #1.
And I have to wake up at five in the morning, wow.
Things I do for golf.

2008-08-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

Cause you're a God and I am not.

Humor over heartbreak,
Hilarity over hurt.

Thinking about it, it's not easy as it seems, and I cry. I cry when I think of what we had last time, I cry when I think of what we have now, I cry when I think of not seeing you for a long time, I cry when I think of you. Everybody hurts, and I'm human too, so why you think that I'm lying everytime I say this, I'll never know. I don't know much, but I know I love you, and I always will.

Goodbye my lover.
(You have been the one for me.)

Please, let me smile again.

If you read this, thank you.
If you don't, so be it.
Shit happens.

2008-08-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

Someday you will find me.

Training. Changed. Hougang. CAYC. Jolene. Ruth. Bench. Upstairs. Room. Freeze. Scream. Hug. Hug. Hug. Hug. Hug. Joy. Rachael. Valerie. Kim. Caryl. Tallulah. Downstairs. Gerry. Gabe. Shout. Groups. Hall. Freeze. Laura. Joel. Name. Cheer. Clouds. Cheerleader. Peshu. Bands. Sing. Empower. Everyday. Supper. Milo. Biscuits. Ryu. Hug. Sleep. Phone. Jenna. Scold. Confiscate. Sweater. Freeze. Sleep.

Showerless. Blind. Six. Early. Scream. Stoning. Dark. Carpark. Grass. Mud. Tie. Bound. Squat. Sit. Itchy. Cold. Parole. Scared. Rain. Indoor. Squat. Run. Two. Question. Shout. Colin. Daryl. Speakers. Bench. Hop. Half. Room. Sherman. Scary. Slap. Kick. Ouch. Ryu. Amanda. Convince. Yay. Shower. Teeth. Breakfast. Beehoon. Ryu. Seconds. Milo. Yummy. Games. Pen. Bottle. Beehoon. Water. Choke. Bloated. Five. Toilet. Bloated. Gel. Shampoo. Makeup. Gay. Joel. Bryan. Pretty. Questions. Marianne. Ruth. Genius. Shower. Dinner. Praying. Cry. Tissue. Sing. Smile. Freeze. Aircon. Water. Spoilt. Sweater. Smileys. Jenna. Scold. Confiscate. Dark.

Shower. Teeth. Whatever. Breakfast. Bread. Nutella. Milo. Hall. Sing. Empower. Everyday. Worship. Pack. Clear. Stack. Candy. Throw. Hall. Mass. Spanish. Sing. Loud. Jason. Upstairs. Change. Scream. Stack. Move. Bags. Hall. Girls. Five. Ten. Guys. Stay. Girls. Go. Reach. Wait. Jenna. Phone. Hang. Joel. Clip. Hair. Pretty. Isabelle. Clip. Joke. Dyed. Laugh. Excited. J8. Yami. Subway. Blackmail. Taxi. Ryu. Bye.

Ultimate blackmail.
You don't understand me.

2008-08-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

Still falling in love with the right now poster girl.

David Hasslehoff in Speedoes, loving shemales and men.
Evidently, I have very enriching training sessions, thank you very much.

Was it you who spoke the words
That things would happen but not to me
All things are gonna happen naturally
Taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing

But at often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright light turns to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
and others just read of
Others only read of the love
Oh, the love that I love

See, I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words
More words than I had ever heard
And I feel so alive

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now

Oh love, love, you and I, you and I
Not so little, you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving
Is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well then im almost finally out of, finally ou-ou-out of
Finally, well I'm almost finally, finally
Well, I am free, oh I'm free

And it's okay
If you had to go away
Oh, just remember the telephones
Well, they're working in both ways
But if I never, ever hear them ring
If nothing else
I'll think the bells inside have finally found you someone else
And that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you say

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well, then I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally
Well I'm almost finally
Finally out of words

I love pretty little adorable puppydog babycakes,
Hmmmmmmmm.

2008-08-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

She wore her wedding dress to a funeral.

Let me count the number of days that I have not posted on this blog, hmmm. Exactly one week, I say. Wow, the last time I posted was National Day. Now now, what got me into this lazy stretch of a week-long-lack-of-post-ness ? I don't know.

There's coaches training this weekened, 16th and 17th August to be exact, and it just got me into thinking about going back to the company once again. I think about the people that I miss so much, I think about the wonderful times I had with the participants, I think about all that I've learnt through coaching, I think about how much I've grown as a person ever since I began coaching. I miss that place so much. I really do.

Come November, I have plans to go back, but I guess I might put those plans on hold for a while.

I miss you Deannnnnnnnn !

2008-08-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

Baby just love me.

I know they mean it to be harmless, I know they're just playing around, and I love them, I really do, but somehow this doesn't exactly feel right. Painful, I dare say. And I know that I brought it upon myself, because I am the way I am, and one thing obviously led to another. I am who I am, and I'm happy about it. I know I'm not going to change just for the bunch of you, and I guess I have to live with it. If so, why the hell am I complaining ? I. Am. Such. A. Loser. Ohwell, the things I get for being me.

2008-08-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

Is even better than the moment before.

Ohana Shazam is the bombbbbbbb.

Happy National Day, Singapore.
Hollaback at you.

2008-08-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

What's the point when all I ever want is you ?

Over, stopped, ceased. Finally, I dare say, but I don't know whether I'm going to miss everything that happened over the past three months. I honestly think I will. All the times you've made me smile, laugh, cry and made me feel like the world's most special and world's most loved little girl, really, you're one in a million. Maybe someday everything will go back to where it was, I never know, but there's no harm in wishing, dreaming, hoping. You're special, very special. I love you, I do.

Mr. Pradeepa Ethapane thinks French vulgarities are sexy, hell yeahhhhh. The birthday game was the bomb, with love.

Orders from Weiqing says I have to post this up:
Keep Up The Rhythm says:
TURN UP THE RADEEEOOO, BLAST THE STEREEEOOOOO!

(Little Missy & Mister Magic) 'I'd bring you along and we'd get drunk.' says:
NOWWWWWWWWWW. (AND PUMP IT !)

Keep Up The Rhythm says:
LOUDER!

(Little Missy & Mister Magic) 'I'd bring you along and we'd get drunk.' says:
PUMP IT !

Keep Up The Rhythm says:
LOUDER!

(Little Missy & Mister Magic) 'I'd bring you along and we'd get drunk.' says:
Okay, stop it.

(Little Missy & Mister Magic) 'I'd bring you along and we'd get drunk.' says:
Haha.

Keep Up The Rhythm says:
Laaaaaaaaaame.

Keep Up The Rhythm says:
Most post this on your blog.

2008-08-03T08:04:00.000-07:00

You're the only one that I could live for.

Runaway love,
Open your eyes.

2008-08-02T06:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you.

I pray that I'll be allowed in Heaven, despite being this horrible person and character that I am, and to all the people that I've offended, hurt or upset, I'm sorry. I don't deserve any form of forgiveness right now because what I did is absolutely unforgivable, and I don't deserve being forgiven. Hate me is you must, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and that I love you.

For once, I thought I'd be able to do something right, something smart, something to save myself. But I ended up making a mistake again, a horrible horrible mistake. A mistake that I dare said I've made at least three times, and managed to salvage. But this time, I don't even want to think about it.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue,
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you,
And I know I can't take it back.
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds,
And baby the way you make my world go round,
And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry.

I've been horrible, and I'm praying that there's another day where I get to apologise to you and tell you that I love you once more. Because I want you to know that I do.

2008-08-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

The battle has just begun.

I have every right to be angry, I have every right to be pissed. If you feel the least bit guilt, good for you, maybe you still have a heart. Maybe not all of you is sick in the head yet. Just yet. But time will take it's toll. Why do I feel that it'll get worse ? I think it will. It'll get much worst. Since you did it once already, why not again ? Really, why not ? If you've got the guts to fake it, maybe you've got the guts to do it as well. What are you, sick ?

When it all comes to an end, don't come crying.

2008-07-27T05:40:00.000-07:00

We'll see them someday.

'I'd bring you along, and we'll get drunk.'

What a wonderful influence, haha. You dabombbbbb.

2008-07-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

The pieces don't fit anymore.

Clear my eyes it's the morning after
Did I fall in love?
Or did I find disaster?
Take a second just to breathe
I pick my heart up off my sleeve
There she goes and I know she knows
By the way she eased out on her tippy toes
Skip the breakfast tea for two
We make no plans to rendez-vous

Someone for everyone but no one for me
Constantly searching for the love I need to
Build my world around, around
I'll be the lonely one until I find someone
The one to build my world around, around
Surrender all to love
Until I find the one

Lazy days I'm in a hazy phase
Of watchting countless ways in which my life goes crazy
Foolishness to blame
Stil it pains me all the same, yea
Empty faces with empty gazes
In the race of change I'm losing faith in my pace
Trying to keep my feet before I fall

I'm on this endless road with nothing to see
Constantly searching for the love I need to
Build my world around, around
I'll be the lonely one until I find someone
The one I build my world around, around
Surrender all to love until I find the one

A cornerstone of honesty
A foundation of gravity and freedom
A clear and concrete understanding
A love that's best kept safe and sound

It's amazing how we fear the weary
It'f from ourselves we so often run
Abandon fear and consequence of heartbreak
Expose the truth and give yourself to love
We've all been set up to be disappointed
We have to crawl before we learn to fly
It's a blur that moves right into focus
Removes the doubt aligns your heart with mine

Committment, maybe yes, maybe no. I'm still contemplating, definitely, and though everything seems perfect, I'm still thinking. Maybe a little too much, but it's always better than not thinking at all. I don't know, it's been quite a while, and I don't know if I'm ready to get back into the game yet. I dare say it's not a matter of trust or fear right now, it's just a matter of taking the first step. The first step which I don't want to take. Or at least for now.

Stop crying your heart out.

2008-07-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

If I saw you in heaven.

This post will be dedicated to a certain individual who dedicated his life to the theatrical scene, through his marvellous technique, passion and dedication towards his work as an artiste. Yes, I am talking about Heath Ledger.

And yes, I miss Heath Ledger.

Pretty evidently and obviously, I did and do not know him personally, though it was and still is one of my biggest dreams ever, I still do feel like there's this sense of emptiness ever since his passing. Honestly, I have to say that I did not become a hardcore fan of Ledger's until he passed on, but never the less, I am still mourning over him. He is dearly missed by all.

I won't say I'm a hardcore fan of Heath Ledger's, but the respect I have for him for being so dedicated and so magically talented amounts to a whole load more. He is truly one of a kind.

He's a wonderful actor, a wonderful father, a wonderful person. Beautiful, may I add. He's indeed magical in his niche, and watching him on screen is absolutely thought provoking and humbling.

22nd January 2008, God bless.
Amen.

Obviously, I just caught The Dark Knight.

2008-07-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

I like to ride my horsey.

I honestly do not understand why people think he's ugly. But, really, they dread getting MASHed with him, they, namely being Cassie and Sarah, they think he's hideous, and whatnot. Beni once said I had Shaant hair, haha, I am amused. I think he's pretty though, but then again, I have a fetish for cute guys with long hair. Hurrah.

2008-07-20T08:53:00.000-07:00

But because of who you are.

A faded gaze upon your eyes, as it slowly disappears, gently disappears, and all is well. Open your eyes, runaway love.

2008-07-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

See you on the flipside.

Magical, that's pretty much I can say. It's beautiful seeing someone you know and love looking absolutely lovely and sounding absolutely perfect. It's a totally different perspective, looking as an audience for the first time, experiencing it first hand for the first time. It's different, very different. A different light, a different person, a different style. Yet it's still beautiful.

Battle Of The Bands today at Anglo-Chinese Independent, I'm lazy and hungry right now, so I'll post again tomorrow. Holla. (Go Barkerrrrrrr.)

2008-07-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

Can't you see why they can't ignore you.

Once in a while, I look upon my own character and question why I at most times consider myself a rather horrible person. Then, I think about it again and I really don't want to answer that question because I know it's not going to be a very nice thing to think about. But people still have to think about their flaws at times, and work on it to make it into something good. I just think about it.

Sometimes I hate myself. For never being able to learn. For never being able to listen. For never being able to realize. For never being able to wake up. For never being able to appreciate. Time and time again, I fail to answer my wake up call. And even if I do, I forget about it. I forget what I've once told myself to do. I forget about what I went through the last time it happened.

Everytime I want to appreciate, it's too late, because it isn't mine anymore. Exhibit A. Exhibit B. Exhibit C. And plenty more. And the only reason it's happening is because I'm taking things for granted. I don't realize how much love and care there is around me all the time. I never realize how many people care and love me for who I am. I live in a place where my dreams are slowly coming true, where I'm living a comfortable life, a life that other people might consider perfect. But what I'm doing right now to screw this perfect life up is absolutely unthinkable and sick. It's disgusting thinking about all the people I'm missing out on, the friendships that I take for granted, the people that I don't show enough love to.

Sometimes I appreciate. I really do. But I never seem to show it, and when I say never, I mean never. When I actually do, it seems fake, it seems like I'm putting on an act just so that I'll seem nice. When people tell me that I'm a good friend, I never take it to heart because I myself don't know whether I'm being true to my friend, or whether I'm even true to myself. And it's been pretty obvious that I've been wearing a facade for the longest time. It's been so long that I don't even know whether it's a facade or not anymore.

People call it adapting. I call it putting on a false front to get people to like you. And trust me, I've been doing it for the longest time. Horrible as it seems to be able to know it and admit it, I have to. I haven't been true and honest with the people around me, I haven't been true and honest with myself. And I still dare to talk about having integrity. Absolute bullshit, if I dare say I have integrity. If I'm not going to be honest with myself, who's going to be honest with me.

I'm praying it's not too late to appreciate. I'm praying it's not too late to be honest with you. I'm praying it's not to late to be honest to myself. I'm praying it's not too late to love you. This is for all the people who I've hurt, made upset or offended in any way for the past fifteen years of my life. I'm sorry, and I love you. I'm not saying this to clear my conscience, because there's a lot more I have to do to make it clear. I'm not saying this to make you like me again, because I don't deserve it. I'm saying it because I mean it. You don't have to accept it or forgive me, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

It's time I start making something out of my life. It's time I start making my past wasted fifteen years worth something. I've got a ton of selfish genes and selfish bones beneath this skin, but no, it's not going to control who I am and what I'm going to be. I'm going to be who I want to be, and that's the way I'm going to live my life. And I will enjoy it.

(Baby, I love you.)